Relationships: The Truth
Written on Feb 13


People often wonder why I'm single. I tend to think the answer is rather obvious, but whatever. Relationships between male and female or male and male, or whatever sexual denomination you prefer, is utter bullshit. Humans are really quite un-evolved when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. But instead of bashing on people and their choices (which I'm still going to do), I'm going to provide an insightful guide on how to build better relationships. (Yeah right, haha)


CHAPTER ONE: Sex.

Time for a story: "Bobby likes Mary. Bobby thinks Mary is a "hot bitch" and wants "to bone her". Mary is flattered and automatically assumes Bobby likes her for more then her body. Bobby and Mary have consensual sex. Bobby gets what he wants. Mary feels good about herself. Bobby and Mary begin to build a relationship. Bobby thinks that's a good idea because he can get laid whenever he wants. Mary believes it's a good idea because she thinks Bobby appreciates all her finer qualities."

I'm sure you can see where this scenario is going. It's stupid. Mary and Bobby are both going to be unhappy in the end. This could have been easily solved the first time they met without anyone's feelings being hurt. But noooo... our current society is too fucking chickenshit to accept the truth. Imagine if Bobby walked up to Mary and said, "You have some nice tits. I want to fuck you. What are you doing Friday?" Bobby clearly told Mary what he wants and they could have worked something out from there. Now if I walk down the mall and see a girl that I find sexually attractive, I pretty much have to legally rape her; meaning I have to buy her dinner, a movie, and then wait on her to give it up. I don't want to see a movie or go to dinner. I WANT TO FUCK! AND I WANT TO FUCK NOW!! No wonder people are so sexually frustrated nowadays.

Why is prostitution illegal? Legalize it man! (No, I'm not talking about marijuana you stupid stoner-fuck). We need more prostitutes walking the streets and servicing our communities. If you have sex with a whore, there is no "feelings" or emotional bullshit. You get what you pay for: good old-fashioned-sperm-shooting sex! Hell, in most cases, you can get it right away without any drama.

By the time I take a girl out and try to prove how cool of a guy I am, I could have paid a hooker the same amount of money and been done already. Besides, after all that romantic crap, I probably don't feel horny anymore and I'd rather succumb to my bedroom to masturbate to high speed internet porn rather then entertain some greedy bitch. Good Charlotte said it best, "Girls don't like boys, they like cars and money". Do you think it's bullshit? Try approaching a girl and commenting her, then ask if she'd be interested in a sexual rendezvous later that night. I bet she tries to sue you for sexual harassment.


CHAPTER 2: Romance.

GIRL: You're not being romantic enough!
TRANSLATION: You're not buying me enough things.

GIRL: We should get married someday.
TRANSLATION: I want a big diamond on my finger so I can brag to my friends. Then I can divorce you and take half of everything.

GIRL: Aww, thanks for the chocolates and flowers.
TRANSLATION: You could have bought me something more expensive, cheapskate.

Some phrases have multiple translations:

GIRL: I don't have anybody to go out with on Valentines Day.
TRANSLATION #1: Shit, nobody is going to buy me anything.
TRANSLATION #2: All the guys know I'm a gold digging bitch.

Everybody assumes being romantic translates out to buying each other materialistic gifts. The definition for romance: Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love. It says nothing about buying anyone anything. If a girl can't appreciate the quality time with her mate and EXPECTS something materialistic, then she can go fuck herself sideways with a spiked dildo because she's nothing more than a shallow-minded piece of shit.

Of course my opinion is one-sided. Of course not all girls are like this. Of course I'm an asshole for thinking like this. But I don't give two shits either way.

Moral of this article: Relationships teach you tolerance and patience. You can learn both these traits by simply waiting in line at your local Carls Jr. fast food restaurant.



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