Grocery Stocker Pt. 2
Written on Feb 17


Grocery stocking has it's advantages and disadvantages. Personally, I enjoy my job. I eat whatever I want. I listen to loud music for 8 hours straight, and I really don't have to deal with *that many* moronic customers. I still deal with my fair share of idiotic people though.

Normal people think stocking has to be one of the easiest jobs in the world. Depending on the store, it can be. It's the physical nature of the job that can be tormenting. There's really not much brain power associated with grocery stocking. Aside from order writing, the rest is a piece of cake: Open cardboard box. Put products on shelf. Pull products forward. Repeat. Continue until finished. When I'm stocking, I think of cool tidbits to write for this web site. I also think about sex.


FACTS:
I get between $9-$18/hr to stock shelves. (Different shifts equal more money). I work 30-48 hours a week, from 9pm-6 or 7am. I work with a crew of 5 people, 3 per night.


ADVANTAGES:
- Multitudes of items to throw at co-workers when angry/upset.
- Lots of food to eat. Including microwave dinners, candy, & produce.
- People leave me alone because they know I work zombie-hours.
- Hand/eye coordination improves vastly.
- Drinking beer at 6am while everybody else is going to work.
- 50 cases/hr requirement keeps my skinny body in shape.
- You get to try cool new products before everybody else! Wow!
- You know about every item in the grocery store. When someone asks you to pick up soup, you respond, "Beef, Barley, Lentil, Chicken, Mushroom, Fat Free, Campbell's, Progresso, Wolfgang--"


DISADVANTAGES:
- Cans smashing fingers.
- Lots of food to eat, including microwave dinners, candy, & produce.
- Large items falling from top of shelf and hitting random body parts.
- Black, evil-looking spiders jumping out of cardboard boxes.
- Cutting oneself with one's own box cutter.
- Skin turns pale white (because of little to no sunlight).
- Parties usually start the same time I START work.
- Parties end when I'm ready to party.
- You begin to have repetitive and tedious stocking-related dreams.
- Hands, knees, and lower back become sore and ache frequently.
- When someone asks for your phone number, you give them order number/UPC codes.
- Crack heads wander around the store with glazed pupils and try to steal liquor or cigarettes. Sometimes they buy (or steal) Sudafed, lye, drain cleaner, and brillo pads.

I hate crackheads. I hope they blow themselves up.

Anyways, that's the gist of it. Hah, looks like the disadvantages out number the advantages. For those who read this web site that work as stockers, I salute you. For those who don't, I congratulate you. This profession is not for everybody [anybody], but it's for me! (Atleast until I get enough money to pay for a new car and college).


I also wrote a satire about MY BOSS
This is what happens when CUSTOMERS PISS ME OFF
My job can also get VIOLENT


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