I Cut Fish Heads
Written on Nov 11


People are stupid. Really stupid.

Some people are just ignorant. Some are uneducated. Some are completely mentally handicapped. Some have destroyed whatever brain tissue through drug use. And all of them suck.


*** I'm dressed in my Vons shirt downstacking some cases ***

"Excuse me, do you work here?"
"No. I'm just pretending."
"So... where's the milk?"
"In the coolers over there..." *I point to the coolers*
"Over where?"
"Right there. *I point again*
"Oh. Yeah. In the coolers."

*** 20 seconds pass. Customer #1 yells from coolers ***

"THERES NO MILK HERE. ALL I SEE IS ORANGE JUICE"
"Look next to the orange juice. It's under the sign that says "Got Milk?"
"Oh."

Then the dumbass grabs the milk and walks away muttering something about how the milk was hard to find. Gah, stupid customers! Depending on a customer's mood, I can be friendly. But some people have "ASSHOLE" tatooed on their foreheads.

Some Asian lady -ordered- me to cut her some fish heads about a month ago. She caught me at a bad time. I was noticeably tired and very cranky. It was 11pm, Monday, and I was feeling a little sick. She picked up a giant fish and said "YOU CUT HEADS NOW". I had my back to her at the time. I turned around expecting to see some mexican guys knife fighting, but instead I see this midget Asian with her fully grown son staring at me. I stare back. "HEY BOY, HEY. YOU CUT FISH HEADS?" she yells.

I don't like being called boy. I don't like cutting fish either.

I casually responded with "Is that a question or a request?". She proceeded to demand that I slice up some fishy for her.

I don't like demands.

Her son was quite embarrassed. I would have been too. Even though my fish-happy customer was amusing, I had work to do. I explain politely that the butcher wouldn't be back until morning and that she could get it done for free then. I smiled and turned around to continue down-stacking. I'm thinking to myself, "God, please take this woman away from me". No, that wasn't going to happen. God was going to challenge me today.

"NO YOU CUT FISH HEADS NOW!"

She was holding one, very dead fish that she "obtained". I walked up to her and took her fish. I slapped it down on the meat cooler and pulled out my boxcutter. I cut the fucking head right off. There was no blood or fish entrails, just water squirting from the fish. I threw the fish head in a box. I made a statement. My statement clearly said, -I don't cut fish heads. I don't like demands. And you suck-

"There. I cut fish heads".

She looked at me like she saw a 15in black monster cock. She muttered something in Crapanese to her adult son. He was smiling. I liked him. My job was done. I don't think I will be winning any customer service awards anytime soon, but that's ok with me.

FYI, I smelt like fish the rest of the night.


<< back