A Message To My Employer

Written on Oct 10


Dear Employer,


First off, I'd like to thank you for providing me with the opportunity to be an employee in your corporation.

And that's all I'm going to thank you for, you greedy, conglomerate, corporate shitbags.

For the last 2 1/2 years I've busted my ass doing slave labor which you label as "work". I deal with employees that can't even tie their own shoelaces. I deal with customers that treat me like I'm their personal nanny. And I deal with management only when I fuck up. Those sneaky managers are never around when I'm doing well, but when I don't turn in one TPS report, they appear out of nowhere to point their stubby fingers at me and to rub my face in my mistake. You'd think this is right out of the movie Office Space, but it isn't.

In your company, I'm replaceable. No matter how smart, or how fast, or how hard I work, I can be replaced. Of course you don't tell me this face to face because the mind-less drones that serve as upper management lack the genitalia to do so. But atleast all of them smile at me, unless of course I fuck up.

Oh... and the pay? Actually the pay is very good. But that's only because we have a strong Union backing us up during contract negotiations. Without the Union, I'm pretty sure I'd be making less than most un-documented migrant workers.

Atleast I have healthcare and a benefits package. Well... not for much longer. See Mr. Employer, you're trying to take that away from me now too. Oh, and you're trying to decrease my salary and added services that I might have been entitled to: like pension plans and scholarship funds. Yet my workload has increased by double and my weekly hours have been reduced almost in half. A retarded baboon could surmise that I might be "overworked", and now I'm probably going to be "under paid". I'm sure you've heard that cliché before, Mr. Employer.

So how am I supposed to keep a positive attitude at work? Tell me, how am I expected to continue my 'superior customer service' when I have absolutely no motivation? What is really stopping me from knocking out my mentally defective boss and running out of my workplace with some illegally obtained property? I have another 213 rhetorical questions I could ask you as to why I don't just "flip out" and do something irrational, but I'll spare you the time.

But Mr. Employer, YOU want ME to continue working for you if there is a labor dispute? It's rather inconsiderate to threaten my job if I strike (with a lame video, mind you), yet ask me to stay with the company and not picket with absolutely zero job security. Wow, staying with the company almost sounds like a good idea if it wasn't for the massive work loads, the stressed out managers, the possible 10-12/hr shifts, and the fact that my Union would fine the shit out of me everyday I work. I'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot, you wouldn't suffer through that for little ol' me, would you?

But when all is said and done, and all this negotiation bullshit is over, maybe we can all go back to being friends again? That is, until we re-negotiate our contract in four years and then I'll send you another letter like this one.

The slave labor I perform hours daily for you for loose change was all my pleasure. Really, it was.


Sincerely,


   -A Disgruntled And Highly Sarcastic Employee.


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