Boycott The DMV
Written on Jul 21


I hate the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles for my acronym-challenged readers). I hate everything about it. I hate the people that work there. I hate the people that are there getting their cars registered or taking their tests. I even hate the kindly gray-haired security guard that politely asks me to take a number and wait. I think the term "going postal" should be amended to "going DMV". Like, "I'm going to GO DMV on your ass if you ask me that again".

Every single fucking time I go to the DMV, it's crowded. I could go on a Thursday morning at 10am and it's full. I could go right before closing on a Tuesday, and guess what? It's full. Most of the people that inhabit the DMV aren't really 'high caliber' human beings either if you get my drift. Added to the fact that these very same people hate your guts for being at the DMV too, and you get one hell of a psychic headache and alot of bad stares.

The DMV in my area thought it would be a smashing idea to add a computerized system to handle the overload of people. The system works, but it's so fucking annoying. I don't think they could have picked a worse digital female voice. It sounds somewhat like Rosie the robot maid from the Jetsons.

If you don't have an appointment, you'll probably end up waiting a good four hours to get anything done, even if it's as simple as getting a replacement license. And just when you think the robotic Rosie will call your number, she tricks you and switches to a different number/letter combo.

*G15 PLEASE COME TO WINDOW 14*
*G16 PLEASE COME TO WINDOW 7*

"sweet, sweet... I'm next, I'm G17."

*A47 PLEASE COME TO WINDOW 2*

"grrrrrrrr..."

Then when my number is finally called, I get the pleasure of dealing with a DMV employee that looks like Kurt Cobain after a month of binge drinking and heroin use. Lucky me.

Then to top it off, I have to pay an arm and a leg to be a "legal" driving patron. If I just want to register my car in my name, it's going to cost me roughly 8 hours worth of pay and proof of insurance (which is a hell of alot more if you don't have insurance like me). I don't know about you, but I'd rather spend a day of wages at my favorite titty bar than give it away to the bottom-feeding scoundrel slime at the DMV. And if I were to gather the nutsacular fortitude to question the friendly (sarcasm) DMV attendant about payment, they quickly respond with, "Sir, it's a privilege to drive in California, not a right". And I kindly retaliate with, "It's a privilege that your still breathing now, you leprous antelope". Then the kindly gray-haired security guard tasers me down and I spend the next three days in lock-up until my arraignment for making "terrorist threats" and probably some more Federal charges. Or else I could just be a pussy and pay them.

YEAH RIGHT!@

This rant is aptly titled "Boycott the DMV", so do you think I'd actually give those cocknuggets any money? HELL NO. My car isn't registered, nor do I have a valid California drivers license, and nor do I have any insurance. Do you know how much money I save per month? Do you? Because I sure don't. I just know I save enough dinero to keep my fridge stocked with cold, alcoholic beverages. And that makes me happy.


So the moral of this rant is:




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