Nick vs. COPS, Part 2

Written on October 31, 2004.


I got pulled over last night for the first time.

I was leaving a Halloween party around 11:30pm to go to work. I had about 10 beers in my system, but I was totally fine to drive. I was on the 78 freeway heading towards San Marcos when I noticed a Sheriff in the slow lane. Thinking nothing of it, I passed in front of him. He followed me for a couple blocks but kept his distance. I was thinking to myself, "he'll leave me alone, there's too many drunk drivers on the road for him to worry about me". Mistake #1.

What I haven't told you yet is that I drive without current/valid registration. Yeah, I know. I'm an idiot. But when I wrote about boycotting the DMV a few years back, I really meant it. Even though I had false tags on my car I thought in the back of my mind that he wouldn't run my plates unless I did something to attract his attention. Mistake #2.

I was approaching an intersection when I noticed the COP slow down and begin to pull a u-turn at the light behind me. I thought to myself, "stupid COP, I'm too slick for you to bust me". I laughed to myself for a second and continued towards the intersection.

When I noticed the cop veer back into my lane and get RIGHT behind me, I cursed my ego for being overly cocky. I guess I'm not that slick after all. Right away I knew he ran my plates and they came back a year out of date. I just knew it.

My fight or flight response kicked in and I dared myself to out run him. I've been successful a couple times out running the cops, but this time I knew I couldn't get away with it and I didn't want to push my luck. Besides, in this situation I had a pretty good chance of not going to jail.

Before he even hit his lights I pulled over. Then he hit his lights. I quickly thought up excuses to explain my lack of registration, the aroma of beer, and the reason I'm out at 11:30pm.

He strolls up to the car, taps the window,

COP "Registration please"

I gave him a coy laugh, "No, don't got it. How about a license and some insurance instead?"

I handed him my license and insurance card. He proceeded to ask me why I had insurance but no registration.

ME "Getting this car registered is too fucking expensive. It costs like $250 and I don't have the money right now"

*** Actually, I did have the money. But I felt that furniture and rent was a more important investment than car registration. Plus, I was bullshitting about the registration amount ***

COP "You've had this car since last year and you're going to tell me you couldn't have gotten it registered between then and now?"
ME "Well... yeah. Why register it when it has current tags? I didn't actually think you'd run the plate"
COP "Where did you get these "current" tags?"
ME "Dunno, they were on the car when I bought it a couple months ago"
COP "So you knowingly bought a car with false tags?"
ME "Yeah. But you're the only one that knows they're false"
COP "Turn off the car and stay right here"

Right at this moment I'm thinking how fucked I am. He's probably going to tow my car, definately ticket me for invalid registration/fake tags, and probably arrest me if he even smelt the faintest bit of alcohol on my breath. I was shaking like an epileptic on a roller coaster. But I'm like Michael Jordan under pressure, so I mustered up all the adrenaline I could to keep myself from looking noticeably worried.

Another sheriff pulls up. Great.

I'm totally fucked now.

There goes my composure out the window. Now my mind begins racing about how my girlfriend can bail me out of jail and how bad my closing supervisor is going to kick my ass for not showing up to work.

Then out of nowhere I notice a pick-up truck speed past me. He was doing way over the speed limit with no head lights on. He nearly runs a red light and is clearly under the influence of something I wish I had. I was hoping the cops would ditch me and chase after him. Nope. Today just wasn't my lucky day.

25 minutes later the cop comes back to my window,

COP "Step out of the car".

I walk back to his car and he looks at me sternly and says,

COP "You know, I could tow your car right now... BUT..."
ME *** trembling worse than a tree branch in a hurricane... ***
COP "Because you were honest with me and not under the influence of anything, I'm not going to tow your car. Instead I'm going to write you two tickets. One for the fake tags and one for the registration"

Part of me wanted to laugh. The other part of me was happy that I didn't go to jail. The Sheriff told me to drive safe and get all my shit taken care of before my court date. After lecturing me about proper driving etiquette and responsibility, he gave me my ticket and drove off.

Once again I evaded the COPS. Had he known where I came from, how much I had to drink regardless of my sobriety, and the fact I've been driving without registration for years, I'd probably be in county jail right now for the rest of the year.


So the moral of this story?

Uhhh...

-Don't drink and drive. Ever.
-Don't drive a car with invalid registration.
-Don't let a COP get behind you for ANY REASON.
-Don't be cocky and think the "po-po can't touch you".

And if you do happen to get pulled over, tremble like a leaf, lie about everything, and don't EVER give the police any smack talk unless you're a minority. Then you can sue the police department for discrimination and share your money with ME!

That's a shitty moral. But who cares?


<< back